Maybe

"Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"

~ Sick Puppies "Maybe"

Summer and School

So I realized that with only 4 days of summer left that this has been a kind of disappointing and not complete summer. I knew that this would be a kind of dull summer what with Danny being gone, but I didn't think it would be as bad as it was. This summer had its highs like going to Pennsylvania to visit Danny, and going to the drag races in Ohio. But it also had its low points, no Danny, no camping, hardly any friend time. But most of all, no Wisconsin. They every summer family vacation to Crandon, Wisconsin. All summer long whenever it was a chilly morning or a really windy day, even right after it had rained I would say "It feels like a Wisconsin day!". No matter where I go in the world, I think that Crandon will always be my favorite place. I love the way everything smells up there, and the sound of the waves. No summer seems to be complete without a trip to Wisconsin.

With summer coming to an end..I am heading straight for a really busy schedule. However, I am hoping for an awesomely amazing end to my summer with this Labor Day weekend. Saturday Danny comes home. Sunday is Blueberry Festival (always exciting)!!!! And Monday is Eric's birthday party then Danny goes back to school. School starts on Tuesday, and I'm not looking forward to my first class. Although I am excited to start a new semester at Southwestern Michigan. My first class happens to be Math, not my favorite subject. This class is followed by a drive over to the the Dowagiac campus for Psychology. Following the end of Psyc I get to come home and eat, and not long after that I get to drive to Osceola for play practice.

Not only will I have this play (Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness: An Evening of One Act Plays) the day after it ends I am immediately involved in another play (Spoon River Anthology). My schedule will be crazy and I am hoping I can handle it.

finally

I finally think i have found where and what i am supposed to be doing. I applied to Southwestern Michigan University and was nervous about being accepted. And every day I anxiously awaited for a letter saying whether i got in or not. And finally today after all this waiting I got my letter. I opened the letter not knowing what to think and starting reading and I got very excited. The first word was Congratulations! My heart jumped! It proceeded to say that I was accepted and that I needed to send them my transcript from Ivy Tech then I can register for classes. I got my student ID, my email and password. The last thing on the letter said "Welcome to Southwestern Michigan University" and it was almost instant relief. I feel like i'm doing the right thing for the first time since I started school.

Environmental Science is what I want to be doing and I am so excited to be going to SMU!

The 4th...

This year the 4th of July was not at all normal. Normally the weekend before the 4th or the weekend of the 4th, we have our annual reunion in Middlebury. Not this year. The original plan was to have a gathering at Essenhaus, then that fell through so no reunion. Also the past 2 4th of July's Danny and I have had a pretty nice little display of fireworks. The first year we had 2 back packs full. Last year we had a duffel bag and and back pack full. This year? The only fireworks I bought were the lame flashers and a box of crackle balls. So no fireworks bought. Then lastly, Danny's not here. It's very strange to not have him here to go watch fireworks, or to be buying fireworks.

The only fireworks I have seen are the Bremen ones and then Black Squirrel ones. Bremen's were last night and they were pretty cool. Troy and I walked around the Fair and as per tradition we had to play the win a fish game. And one out of 56 balls and of course it was Troy's. Then we went back to the Huff's and we played some more croquet, then back to watch fireworks.

Tonight we went to Goshen and watched fireworks. I took corn hole and my dad and Troy and Grandpa and I played. I actually had a good corn hole night. Fireworks were awesome tonight!

I had the choice yesterday to go to the beach with some friends. My car has a wheel barring that is going bad and I didn't want to risk driving all the way up to St. Joe and risking breaking down someplace. Instead I went to Bremen and had a fun afternoon and evening with my family.

But overall this has been a very weird and strange 4th of July...

Recap of the last 9 days.

Friday 6/19- Danny home!!!
Saturday 6/20- Nothing too exciting. Relaxed because Danny had just gotten home.
Sunday 6/21- Danny and I got pizza and rented all 5 of the Harry Potter movies. We watched the first and second movies, and didn't go to sleep until 4.
Monday and Tuesday 6/22-6/23- Danny was at his dad's until Tuesday night. We went and babysat at Cari's on Tuesday night. We also watched the 3rd and part of the 4th Harry Potter movies.
Wednesday 6/24- Danny and I went to Menards and bought Corn Hole! We watched the rest of the Harry Potter movies. We played a lot of corn hole too.
Thursday 6/25- Danny and I went to Silver Beach in Michigan. Lots of sun and lots of water time. It was a perfect day for the beach. We played more corn hole.
Friday 6/26- We drove the long drive to Norwalk, Ohio to go to the NHRA drag races. It was a lot of fun. Then the next stop was Lake Eerie, we were in Sandusky just across the way from Cedar Point. Then we made the long drive back home. We were so beat afterward!!
Saturday 6/27- We went to Danny's dad's for a little while in the evening. We were still tired from the day before.We played some corn hole when we got back. My dad played a game with us too.
Sunday 6/28- Danny and I made a run to his Grandma's house in Edwardsburg. Then when we got back we played a little Super Mario All Stars, old school i know. Then we packed corn hole up and went to Shannon's. Danny spent the first hour we were there with Jake and Shannon's dad working on the filter for the pool. Shannon and I played a little corn hole and played in the pool for a bit. They finally got the filter going and Jake and Danny got in. Before long Shannon's dad came out carrying pizza. So nice. I had asked my mom to bring up some pool supplies, and she did which we appreciated very much. Goggles, snorkels and tubes. It was beyond fun. We swam until 10, so much fun! Then unfortunately Danny had to leave tonight. He only has 1 class and 3 months left. And he will be back the 11th of July.
I have to say that this has been an awesome 9 days!!!

Beach

Danny and I went to Silver Beach in St. Joe, MI. We didn't get away as early as I would have liked but it was still good time. It was super hot out today so it was a good day to go to the beach. I was prepared to pay $8 to park, but when we got there, there were 2 parking lots that said "Free Parking All Day", so i tried to find a place to park, no luck. There was a spot that Danny thought I could squeeze into it, so as I was rounding the corner, a woman was pulling out of one of the front parking spots and we did not hesitate to take it. We had a very long walk to the beach, and the sand was super hot when we got down to it. But we found a less crowded spot on the beach and set up our stuff, then it was into the water. The water felt amazing. I love the water, i could spend every minute in the water. After about 3 hours we decided it was time to come home. So we packed everything up and made the long trudge back to the car. Finally back at the car we headed for home. Today was a good day of time with Danny, sun, water and relaxation.

Tomorrow my parents Danny and I are going to Norfolk Ohio to the NHRA drag racing.

Hot

It is unbelievably hot outside! Yet Danny and I are still going to brave the heat and play some corn hole and probably go float in the creek. Floating in the creek is an awesome time. You start at Cr. 6 or however high you want with your tubes or rafts and float down. You have to avoid the branches and trees down across the creek, but it is a lot of fun. Danny and I have been wanting to buy corn hole for a long time now, and it went on sale at Menards.

I have also as of today sent in my application to Southwestern Michigan University to study Environmental science. It feels like a huge relief to know that i can go to a school that has the program I want. Now it's just a matter of figuring out financial aid and all surrounding it. I'm kind of at my wits end about school and where to go and what to do, it's so frustrating! But whatever is meant to be with school will be.

Toay was good

Today Jake Shannon and I went and floated in the creek. Well first off I'm house/dog sitting for my neighbors perry and vicki. They have 3 big labs Cheeseburger, Kiwi and Coconut. Shannon and I went to Walmart when she got off work. And then Jake and Shannon came over and we went to perry's and sat in the creek for a bit. Shannon was looking for rocks and jake and I were walking around. Then we decided to go and get rafts to float down the creek with. My dad blew them up for us and we went down to th creek. We just did a little ways first, we got in by the fence separating the apartments and floated down to perry's. It was fun so we decided to go a little longer distance. So we packed up in my car and drove to the 7-11 on Cr. 6. We got out and walked through someones yard to get in the creek and avoid the tree blocking the creek. We got in, Shannon was having trouble on her raft so we had a sort of slow start. Jake was being crazy screaming, but it was funny. It was a long way back to perry's but it was fun. Although we were getting scraped up pretty bad. But it was a lot of fun. Then my mom took us back to my car and we went and got little ceasars, yummy. Then we just kind of hung out at my house for a while. Such a fun evening!!!

Now time for bed. I have to get up at 730 to let the dogs out, then work at 1045, then babysitting at 7. Busy day tomorrow. 4 more days!!!!

Thursday and Friday night

So the last 2 nights have been awesome!!!

Thursday-There was a new and used car sale at the Elkhart Airport this weekend. Shannon has been wanting to look at a Jeep Liberty so we decided that we would go and look at some cars. We got there and started in the back row of cars where all the trucks and SUV were. I found an Equator that I really liked but it was kinda weird. So we walked around we found some Liberty's then we found THE car! A Jeep Compass we sat in every single seat and opened every possible door. We LOVED that car!!! Oh and we got free popcorn and water! We went to Taco Bell after wards and got Fruitistas and sat and ate them. Then we went back to Shannon's and watched So You Think You Can Dance. Fun inexpensive night!!!

Friday- I got up at 6:00 and my mom and dad and I were on our way to Warsaw for my aunt and uncles garage sale. We got down there and started setting up tables and then it was time to start. Eric had a lemonade and candy stand. I maned the money box today and it was pretty fun. Although my math skills were kinda off today. But then we went to Goshen and went to Michaels and Target. Then home to eat and go to the Everyday Sunday concert at Crossroads church. The concert was really fun and good. Abbey Olinger came with us, Shannon and I went up to the front with the 12 year olds (haha) and stood up there for a while. It was a lot of fun!!! And the band is really good!! Best part..it was FREE!!!

PA and Beyond

So I haven't posted anything since my trip to PA. I had an awesome time out there. It was quite lonely when he went back to school on Tuesday after memorial day. While I was out there I pretty much stayed in Danny's room because of his roommates. But when he was in class for 9 hours so I took advantage of the empty living room. I went and watched the sun go down several nights. Danny would come back for lunch which was nice. Then he'd be gone until around 2am, then sometimes we would go hang out with some of his friends. One morning we didn't even get back to his room until the sun was rising. Those are the hours I pretty much have at home, only i don't sleep all day. In fact barely sleep. Danny and I spent memorial day at the lake with his family which was nice. Then he went back to school. I think I am still recovering from those hours and trying to get back to normal hours, whatever those are.

Now that I am home though I have been thinking about school. I don't think Interior design is the right thing for me. Right now I am just wishing for a simple answer. I want a magic coin that I can flip and it will tell me what the right thing to do with my life is. Because I really don't have an answer right now, and I need one very soon. I do know that I don't want to go back to Ivy Tech, I need something a little more challenging. I just need to find the right place to go, some place with a good science program. Environmental, or biology something in that field.

I am going to watch That 70's Show and think about the whole school thing and many other subjects. : )

Kittens pt 2.

So we gave the kittens to the lady that gave us Savannah, she is going to raise them until they are old enough to be taken. It was extremely sad to see them go. It is amazing how much you can get attached to something in such a short amount of time. We got a call tonight to update us on the kittens. Unfortunately we lost the little calico i named Calla Lily. : ( But it is ok. I miss the little kittens, but we will see them soon enough.

On a happier note. Danny is coming home tomorrow for the weekend. Then i get to go to PA with him. I'm so excited to see him, it has been 2 months since i've seen him. I cannot wait to spend A whole week with him. Yay!!!

Kittens

Today I woke up not feeling to great. I didn't sleep much last night. My mom had an interview this morning at 830 so when i got up at 845 i was home alone. I came out in the living room and watched some TV. My mom got home later and that's when the fun began. She said she thought we had a kitty in the garage. She had heard i crying earlier but couldn't look because she had her interview. So we went in the garage and started looking. We heard a faint cry on the far side of the garage so we started taking stuff out of the way. We kept hearing a crying, and it was coming from the bottom of the black cabinet. We finally got down there and there were 3 little kittens crying out. We took them out and put them in a box with warm with a warm blanket. They don't even have their eyes open yet. I went downtown to Martin's Pet and Garden to get some kitten milk and a few bottles. I came back and my mom said she had found another one. Their are 2 black, 1 gray and white and a calico one. They are adorable! We have fed them with a bottle and we left them out to see if the mom would come back and claim them. She came back but wouldn't go in the box. The kittens are now sitting in a box in the garage with the door open so that maybe the mom will come back.

FINALLY!!!!!!!

FINALLY IT'S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And what better way to start the summer than hanging with my family on Sun..then the next week i'll be in PA!!! Best start to the summer!!!!


YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pond

I love being able to walk just a short way down from my house and see this. This picture was taken at the very beginning of spring, so there aren't any leaves or flowers up. But it is still one of the most peaceful places around. Walking down to the creek is very calming and relaxing. Walking down to the pond and the creek, even for a little bit was much needed. With finals and papers and the end of school within a day, my head is absolutely everywhere. I can't focus on anything and my brain feels like it can't form anymore papers. Taking a walk down to the creek was a nice break from my papers.

Only 1 more day of school, one 800 word paper, 2 finals and i'm done! Then PA for 8 days!

oops

Ok so I've never been East. Actually I've never really been anywhere. For some reason I get East and West confused, who knows why. Thank you Chad for the correction.


15 days...4 days of school...

Can't wait!

YAY!!

The first glimpses of spring. The crocuses popping out of the ground.


I'm so incredibly excited!!! Danny and I had been talking about me coming out to PA since he left for school. Now it is only a mere 16 days away! Originally I was going to take the train out of Elkhart to Pittsburgh to Greensburg and he would pick me up from there. Then do the same on the way back. Then it turned into Danny coming home and me riding back with him then taking the train home. Finally we came to the conclusion that he would come home and I would ride to PA with him. Then he would come home and I would ride back to IN with him. We have a final date set, the sat or sun after my mom's birthday. So the 16th or 17th. Then I will be back Memorial day weekend. I am SO unbelievably excited to go! I've never been west.

School gets out in 5 days...and PA in 16. Awesome start to the summer!

Pre Easter Thoughts

I was thinking about all of the past Easters in my life. When i think about it, i think of how my parents would hide my Easter presents all around the house. They would tell me if i was hot or cold, when i was getting close to the present. I always think of one specific time. Every time the Easter decorations start coming out, i think of this plastic bendy bunny that we had. You could shape it's legs and arms into anything. Well one year i took it upon myself to put it on a lamp while it was on. The bunny proceeded to melt and I got yelled at. But every year I always think about it.

Then i think about Easters at the Huff's. It would be the Huff's, the Wise's, the Firstenberger's and the Amacher's. We would sit down and eat lunch, then we would socialize. After wards the adults would hide Easter eggs either outside or inside depending on the weather, while the "kids" would be in a room in the house. We would all be assigned a color, there was green, blue, yellow, purple, pink, orange, yellow-blue, and pink-purple. We always had so much fun hunting the eggs..we would try and see who got done first. Usually it was Chad or Greg who would finish first. Then we would all sit in the living room and open our eggs, they would usually consist of candy of all kinds, dollar money and change. Every now and then there would be a shower cap or something fun. Usually balloons of some kind that would be blown up in the next 30 minutes. One year the pigs got out and the adults went out to chase them down haha. We would set up a Volleyball net in the backyard and play. The last several years have been pretty gloomy and cold outside.

Last Easter was a special one. We had Easter at Todd's house, and Danny came last year. We sang songs and socialized. It was a very special and good day. Easter is a week from today, who knows what will happen this year. I just know that Easter is always a special time for our family, as it should be.

Family <3

So i just read a comment from my cousin Chad way back from my Christmas Eve blog, which then prompted me to read through that post. As I'm reading through it I get a little teary eyed as I re-visit this past Christmas. I started thinking about all the fun that we have when we get together. I'm amazed at how much fun we can have sitting around a campfire with a couple books of Mad libs. My family is truly amazing. I don't know of any other family that gets together not only on major holidays like Christmas and Easter, but also at every single persons birthday.

During the summer we get together just for the heck of it. Like this past summer, I believe it was on Memorial Day the whole family got together in Bremen at the Huff's. We played some croquet (which I may not be the best at but i'm one heck of a runner haha) and some washers and I believe some bag toss. I don't even remember how it started but we got into a HUGE water fight! My uncle Bob even went into town and bought water guns and some balloons. Somehow it ended up being me and my cousin Eric (who's 9) against Chad and Danny. E and I were getting drenched..well mostly me. Then the hose got brought out..E and I were i trouble. So i thought it was smart to take refuge in the tree house, which is above the hose. We used the benches and the table to block the windows, it worked for a bit..but we couldn't stay up there forever. So we got down but we got drenched and it was cold!! But it was so hot that it felt good. We eventually started going after my dad, that was interesting. My aunt Lori even got into it. Chasing me around and then after my dad. I got Danny I think once, but he got me repeatedly. We finally got my dad and we had popped all the balloons and we were all pretty tired. So we sat around the campfire and ate hot dogs and laughed about the good water fight we just had. We realized that somehow every year the hose comes out and there is some kind of water fight.

That day was just one of the many fun times that we have had together. I was recently in Toys R Us in Mishawaka and I was looking at games. I wasn't looking for anything in particular but as I'm looking at the wall of games I see a game that I thought wasn't made anymore Stratego!! Chad, Troy, Todd and I use to play that all the time when we were younger. I was so excited to see it, that I wanted to buy it, then I saw the price..ouch not gonna happen.

The other thing I love about my family is that if something is wrong they are usually pretty good at distracting you so you don't think about your problems. Like on the day Danny left for school, I was so unhappy and I couldn't stop crying. I barely ate anything and I wanted to just lay down and cry. We started playing games, pictionary and an old game called Gusher. And before long I was completely distracted, I was laughing and it was as if nothing was wrong.

My family is crazy, fun, loving, caring, and like no other family out there. They are so special to me and I love them all so much.

I've been trying to think about how stressed out and worried i get over little things. I know when I stress over the little things that if I just pray about it I feel better after wards. but sometimes it's hard to remember to pray about it. Sometimes i get so wrapped up in my problems and my thoughts and feelings that I forget to stop and looked to God. This is something that I need to live by and that others need to remember to live by.

1 Peter 5: 7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Organization

I organized my room about 2 weeks ago and now it looks like this...


Why? Because i finally decided to go through my closet and get rid of some clothes and actually organize it so it looks nice, not that anyone ever sees it. Point being..i never realized how much CRAP i keep. I have gotten rid of so much stuff, clothes and just junk all kinds of stuff. It feels good to get it all cleaned and organized.

Let's see. I have a part in another play at Osceola Theater Co. We are doing "The Dinner Party" by Neil Simon. There are only 6 parts and my characters name is Yvonne. I'm so excited to be in the play. April 16-19!

I am SOOOO super excited for next wed. Shannon and I are going to Ft. Wayne to shop and spend the day!!! I'm so excited to be away from Elkhart for a day.

Lastly I am in charge of the redecoration of our spare bedroom (the Hang out room). My first project under the major of interior design. I've got some busy times ahead of me, but i'm super excited for them!

Sleep? What is sleep?

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Actually I've barely been sleeping at all. 5 hours is not enough sleep for anyone to run on and be able to function properly. Well normal people anyways, I am not normal apparently. I go to sleep at around 4 or 430 then i wake up at 6 then go back to sleep until 8. Then i toss and turn until 10 waking up every 15 minutes. It's terrible!! And i don't know what to do about it. I have taken sleep aids but they all make me drowsy in the morning..not a fun feeling. I have also tried an herbal pill called Valerian root. It is supposed to calm you down and relax you, it worked for the first 3 times i took it, but after that it stopped working. I have a problem with getting my mind to stop thinking. I thought it might have been because i had the TV on when i went to sleep, but i turned off the TV and it was worse than ever!! My mind just kept going...and it wondered so far off it is terrible.

I don't know what to do anymore. But it is definitely getting very old not being able to sleep. I know it will catch up to me and it will not be fun when the lack of sleep hits me.

Ugh! I just want to sleep!!!

BEST SURPRISE EVER!!!

So this morning i was awoken by a phone call from Danny at 10am. Which is really unusual. I thought something was seriously wrong. He asked me to do him a huge gigantic massive favor. I said sure. He said come answer the door in a few seconds. And i'm like what?! I said what 8 more times and Shannon and I went and looked out the window on the front door and sure enough there was Danny pulling down my road!!!!!!!!!!!!! He came home for the weekend!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

BEST SURPRISE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday 2/15

Sunday Feb. 15 last year i said goodbye to my baby kitty, she was only 8 years old. And I miss her so much! It seems unreal that it has been a whole year!!!! She was my baby and i love her and miss her.

More about today later!

Power outage

Tonight we do not have power. Our entire STREET doesn't have power. What to do when there is no power?

Well with my family we dig out our 12 flash lights which none of them have batteries in them and use those. Then we pull out 16 MILLION candles out of the "coffin" cabinet, and set them out places. Then we sit and eat some food. My dad went out to get the lantern and we've used that all night. Our neighbor has a generator so they have power, which means i have internet.

We did our separate things for a while, my mom read and my dad at some cake and i drew on my sketch pad. I started getting bored, so i started wondering around the house. My dad decided he had to pee (we have a well not good when the power goes off) so he went out back to pee and he almost peed on some kind of creature. It may have been a cat or a opossum but either way it's funny.

Now it was time for a couple games of Yahtzee. So we set up a table, bring the lantern over and sit ourselves down and start the game. 4 rounds into the game we realize that we are rolling A LOT of 3's and 4's. So we look at the 2 red dice and sure enough one is all 3's and one is all 4's, we laughed and exchanged those dice for 2 normal ones.

Mom won the first game, dad the second and mom the last. Now they are going to bed. Me? I am going to play on my computer until the battery is dead, then i'm going to TRY and get some sleep. I don't know how well that will work out with out the white noise of my humidifier. But i guess we will see. Over all it was a pretty fun night.

Still no power sucks! I hope we have power tomorrow!!!

been awhile

It has been awhile since i have written anything. But i have been busy with school and Danny coming home last weekend. I was so excited to have him home for a few days. Recently I have not done a whole lot of anything, well since the play ended. Six shows later and I want to do more shows. I am going to audition for 'The Dinner Party' at the end of Feb but that seems like it is far away. I'm excited!

Today is a day of cleaning, my room. And later going to the Grind downtown with Jake and Shannon.

On another note. I have a friend that is very dear to me and very important to me, he is leaving for Iraq very very soon. Like within a few days. Please pray for him. When i hear from him i will be putting updates here. Be safe Brandon my thoughts are with you.

Beautiful House On the Rock Resort.

This is a picture of the view from my room.

So right at this moment my parents and I are sitting in rooms at the House on the Rock Resort in Spring Green, WI. I have my own room since I got to the room first. We have a balcony, a whirlpool tub, 2 TVs, and a kitchenette. We just had an AMAZING dinner at the Grandview restaurant. My mom and I had Cajun chicken and my dad had Lemon peppered chicken. So good!! My parents and I were the only ones in the place, until a wedding reception came in. They have a fitness center that is open 24 hours and a pool that is open from 7am to 11pm. We're getting ready to head down to the pool, i'm going to the fitness center, then the pool.

Tomorrow is breakfast in downtown Spring Green then off to the House on the Rock for an ultimate tour! The last time I was here was sophomore year of high school. They have changed it around and added new attractions so I am excited to see what it's like now!

Some people might consider it a wast to drive 5 hours to get here just for 24 hours, but it is so worth it if you see the house on the rock and stay at this resort!

Oh funny story. As we were coming up to the resort there was a fork in the road and my mom said to take the right fork, even though the sign clearly said to take the left one. So we took the right one and ended up WAY up the top of this HUGE hill!! But it was so beautiful from the top of it. We were winding and twisting on the road. There were houses up there on the sides of the hill, and their drive-ways were almost straight up and down. I don't know how people do it.

So i'm going to go enjoy the 2 hot tubs and the 2 pools, along with the 24 hr fitness center. YAY!!!

7 days!!!!!!

I'm soooo excited!!!!!


<3

I've been very bummed out today. I'm not sure exactly why. But it's really starting to catch up with me right now. I feel like I need to keep moving. If I stop my mind starts going crazy and I start thinking and I don't want to think about things. If I think about things I get sad and I just want to sit and do nothing.

I wish I could talk to someone who understood what I was thinking about. But that doesn't happen like I want. I feel that events in my life keep repeating themselves, not all of them but some of the more unpleasant ones.

However I am looking forward to the next 2 weekends. This next weekend my parents and I are going to the House on the Rock in Spring Green, Wisconsin. The last time I was there was I believe sophomore year. I just think I need to get out of Elkhart for few days. We will only be gone Sat and Sun, but that's good enough for me.

The week after that is my play as well as my birthday AND Danny comes home!!!! I can't wait to see him!!! Best birthday present ever! I miss him so much and I'm ready for him to come home, I want to see him so bad! There's part of my bummed out mood.

Well I guess I have something to look forward to for the next 2 weeks.

18 days!!! I miss him!

For the first few days of this week I was doing really good. I was happy and I was keeping myself occupied. But now as the week goes by i'm getting sadder and more depressed. I was keeping myself busy. I was cleaning my room and rearranging it but now I'm getting tired of cleaning and rearranging. I still have stuff I want to do and things that I need to get done, but I just can't get myself motivated. I don't know. I worry too much. I need something to get me out of the house and away for a while, I'm going a little crazy. School starts next week but I only have class on Wednesday. At least that will get me out for a while. Then of course rehearsal at 7 almost every night. But maybe when I start painting it won't be so bad. Man that's going to suck doing it alone!!! And I can't tape for crap..oh well, it doesn't have to be perfect.

I have to see about getting books for class tomorrow. I can almost guarantee that I will have to have my Art History book for my first on-line class on Monday. No big deal..hopefully.

Ok now it's time to sleep!!

Ok.

So Danny is off at school and it hasn't even been a week and I want him to come home. But I'm trying to keep myself busy. This week I have play practice tomorrow and Thursday. I work on Saturday morning. And I am rearranging and freshening up my room. Taking the dresser I don't use out and putting a desk in. Moving my fridge. Getting rid of a crappy cardboard 3 drawer storage thing and replacing it with an awesome unit I bought at Michael's. I want more of these things so I can do my whole wall. Also I'm using the shelf I used for the craft show and cutting off the over hang on the sides and the tops and bottoms and making cubby holes, and hanging it on my wall above my desk. I'm also going to paint darker teal checkers on my walls as a border. I'm so excited to be making my room better for me.

I have also been trying to watch what I eat. I realized that I was drinking at least 3 sodas a day which is WAY too much. And I was just eating a bunch of junk that I shouldn't be eating. So today was my first day of healthy eating. I had a very good bowl of cereal which consisted of corn flakes (not sweetened), oat clusters, blueberries, strawberries and raspberries. YUM! Then I had a glass of V8 Fruit Fusion. I had a nice lunch that was pasta and a salad and then tortilla soup and bread for dinner. I had a nice sweet treat of chocolate tonight. And it felt really good to be healthy and to eat good. I'm looking forward to continuting to eat good.

Not Good...

Today sucked!! Here's a recap:

Well starting with last night..
Last night I went and stayed the night at Danny's house. I was really sad and i just wanted to cuddle with Danny. We went and laid down and Danny soon fell asleep. Me on the other hand, I only got about 2 hours of sleep. I was really upset about Danny leaving.

Today:
Danny and I had planned on waking up and packing his car and then coming back to my house about 1, then I would just leave from here and go meet my family in Warsaw. Since i didn't sleep well I didn't feel good. I wanted to spend time with him but i wanted to come home too. So he just brought me home.

I had to say bye to him here before we left. I haven't cried that hard in so long. I can't believe he's gone. He's not even there yet and I want him back! I know it's going to be good for him going to school and all but does it have to be so far away? God i miss him!!!! I want him home!!! 9 months so long!!!! I'm already so lonely. We didn't get enough time together before he had to go. He comes home in 27 days...we've never not seen each other for that long. Then he doesn't come home until March then not again until June. Such a long time.

I miss him so much.

I love him so much.

Ugh.

3 days...that's it!!!! That's all we've got left until he goes to school. So soon!!! I got New Year's with him and New year' day (ice skating YAY!!!!!) then possibly dinner at his sisters house. Then friday play practice at 7...then saturday work at 1045 then possibly going to Buchanon. Then sunday down to Winona for family game day. Such a short time until he leaves. I can't believe it.

One a positive note.. New Year's Eve at Jake's house!! Freakin sweet!!! Food, sparkling grape juice, guitar playing, sequence and a couple rousing games of Taboo!!

Happy 2009!!!